Hermione Starlit Rose Jadine Granger
by RoseMarie Fanfics
Summary: Hermione, after a spell was tested on her, is now a Mary-Sue. With help from newfound friends and Severus Snape, the dungeon bat, can she become herself again? Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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"Do you know what we should do, guys? That would get us money AND fame?" Ron excitedly whispered to his two best friends, The Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter and their know-it-all buddy, Hermione Granger.

"What, Ronald?" Hermione, too, was excited by the prospect of more money.

"We make our OWN spells! Just like the Prince!" The Prince or Half-Blood Prince made his own spells and, when he went to Hogwarts, printed them in the margins of his Potions textbook (which was now in Harry's possession).

Without saying a word (except for muttering spell-book titles) each pulled out their many Charms and Transfiguration textbooks.

"Well, trying to combine two or more spells to get an effect from both spells..." muttered Hermione, deep in thought. "Or, making a new spell altogether..." Clearly, she didn't know where to start, there were so many possibilities.

"Hey! Hey guys, I got something!" Ron seemed excited, so they assumed that he had made an important discovery. "I have a new spell! I saw this thing on , and I made a spell!"

"Okay then, Ron, try it on me," an ecstatic Hermione answered. In fact, she was so excited that she totally ignored the fact that she had no idea what this spell did, let alone the name.

"Mary-Sue Transformicus!" Hermione sat on the couch, swelled with pride because she was going to be the first one to experience a brand-new spell.

I, Hermione Starlit Rose Jadine Gran- wait, what?

That was when the transformation began. Hermione's bushy hair straightened itself as her feet grew smaller and her stomach slimmer. Her eyes were not the usual amber-like color, but multicolored and sparkly. Her Hogwarts uniform fitted itself and got accustomed to her body shape, which had (obviously, but positively) changed. Her lips were fuller, and the fact that she was wearing no makeup made her seem even more drop-dead gorgeous. Hermione Granger was now beautiful, or as Harry and Ron said (in awe) 'Supermegafoxyawesomehot'.

But, unfortunately, Hermione's looks wasn't the only thing that changed.

"Well, what are you idiots gawking at? Go! Do whatever stupid little boys like you do! Let me rest in peace." The last word she spat at Harry and Ron, who didn't need to be told twice. They dropped their things and ran, leaving a comical trail of dust in their wake. The new Hermione chuckled softly and picked up the Prince's book, examining the almost untidy scrawl. "Hmmm..."

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A\N: A new fanfiction? What am I getting myself into? Everyone, I have an announcement. This is a Mary-Sue SPOOF, I don't mean to offend anyone. This is a Mary-Sue in my mind. Until next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione gossiped the night away with Parvati and Lavender, giggling way too loudly when someone passed gas. Soon, the subject went from who Ginny Weasley was NOW dating to professors.

"Who's YOUR favorite professor, Lavender?" Parvati giggled crudely, anticipating the answer.

"Well, I DID like Professor Lupin. He was so fabulous at teaching DADA!" Lavender squealed unpleasantly. The other two gave a stupid little round of applause.

"Well, what about YOU, 'Mione? Will your choice be as fabulous as mine?" Lavender plopped onto Hermione's bed and bopped her on the back of the head. "Remember, think!"

All of the girls giggled softly and Hermione gave her answer. "Well, McGonagall is pretty nice... but pretty strict. I have to go with... Professor Snape!"

The girls repeated their little round of applause thingy and collapsed onto a bed. They would have talked more, but sleep demanded dominance, and clearly got just what it wanted...

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"Professor! Professor!"

Harry, Ron and Neville finally made it to the talking gargoyle at the entrance to Dumbledore's office and gave it the password of the week.

"Dobby's socks," Harry panted, out of breath. The gargoyle gave a leap and opened the way to Dumbledore's office.

"I'm so sorry, it was an accident -"

"Dear boys, just tell me what happened!" Dumbledore laughed merrily, popping a lemon drop into his smiling mouth.

"Ron turned Hermione into a Mary-Sue!" Neville blurted out. Harry had filled him in on what happened the night before.

"Like the Half-Blood Prince?" Ron weakly added before passing out on the lush carpeting.

Dumbledore chuckled and whispered to Harry and Neville, "First the Half-Blood Prince, now the Pureblood Princess? Really!"

Harry and Neville burst out laughing, but the two last people that Harry would have wanted to walk through the doors did. Hermione and Snape.


	3. Chapter 3

Snape looked from Dumbledore, to Harry, then to Hermione. She was standing slightly behind him, a polite half - smile on her lips. She looked better then she usually did. No, Snape thought to himself, understatement of the CENTURY! She looked beautiful.

"Professor Dumbledore, I wanted to talk to you about something." The smile that Hermione just wore was replaced with a nervous frown and a scowl playing with her features. When she frowned, her eyebrows contracted. When she scowled, they spread apart.

"And why are you here, Severus?" Dumbledore spoke as if discussing the weather, which, to Hermione, he was not.

"Miss Granger wished for me to accompany her here, and I unfortunately HAD to..." Snape trailed off. Maybe he was thinking about all of the potions he could be making...

"Well, since the former matter has been resolved, Harry and Neville, you may leave." Once the two boys exited with Ron's body, Dumbledore motioned for Hermione and Snape to sit down. Hermione didn't hesitate and plopped down onto a rather fuzzy armchair. Snape, however, stayed standing, looking considerably irritated.

"Now, may I ask what the meaning of this meeting is?" Dumbledore asked, smiling.

"Albus, two girls that looked about the same year as Miss Granger -"

Hermione sighed inwardly. How she wished he would just call her Hermione!

"- pulled out their wands and tried to curse her. I happened to notice that they were holding iPhones and wore not a house badge, but a relatively smaller one labeled 'FF Transfers'... I presume that they are fan-fiction authors and are out to destroy her, as many fanfic authors despise Mary-Sues..." Snape whispered the last part. Dumbledore noticed that he looked a lot more troubled than normal for him. Heck, he wouldn't be this worried if Draco Malfoy were turned into a Gary-Stu! Dumbledore thought. But, Dumbledore had a hunch, and he hoped that he was wrong.

He once again motioned for Snape to sit, and Snape finally did. As he sat down, his hand grazed Hermione's shoulder and he then placed his hand on her knee, light enough so that she wouldn't notice.

Dumbledore nearly choked on his lemon drop. Actually, he DID choke on his lemon drop. Dumbledore fell to the ground with a thump, and obviously, the other two noticed. Snape jumped up and was about to summon Madam Pomfrey when Hermione grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"You need not get her," Hermione said softly. Gaining courage (that's what Gryffindors do!) she stood up and said, "I'll do this myself with my - "she sighed - "healing powers."

Snape was about to call her ridiculous, but he then remembered that she was now a Mary-Sue. She was bound to have at least ONE special ability.

Hermione spread out her arms and muttered, "Light." Then, a small orange ball of light burst out of her outstretched hands, and it floated towards Dumbledore. When it touched him he spluttered and got up. Snape was staring in awe the whole time. Once he sat down, Dumbledore was too. But he wasn't staring at Hermione. He was staring at Snape, the first person to succumb to the Mary-Sue's powers.


	4. Chapter 4

"Severus," said Dumbledore, finally coming out of shock. "I need you to keep Hermione in your quarters. She is not safe in the Gryffindor common room with too many boys. That would be a danger to her, as that -" he gestured to Hermione's body - "would presumably make the opposite gender be attracted to her. You, too, probably would, but you have more self control, as you have been a double agent for, what? Twenty years? I can also tell because you are able to refrain from throwing a chair at my head right now," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. Indeed, Snape did look like he wanted badly to see the old man hurt... Or he was just frustrated and confused, or confused because he was frustrated, or frustrated because he was confused...

"Albus, a counter curse? Anything? There are people that want to KILL her! There must be something!" Snape was growing more fidgety by the minute. In fact, golden sparks were shooting out of his wand as he cursed under his breath.

Dumbledore smiled brightly, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back (or Snape's temper). But instead of shooting spells at Dumbledore, Snape calmly turned around, and with a grimace, pulled Hermione out of the office and, with one final glance at Dumbledore, disappeared behind the doors.

All that could be heard from the office was a shriek and, "Crucio!" The crack of Apparation, and everything was silent.

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**A/N: I apologize for this chapter being so short. I felt like it ended there. But don't worry, the next chapter is going up really soon! Oh, and I don't own anything but the two girls who can do magic with iPhones. ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

Hermione was in Malfoy Manor, the home of one of the wealthiest students in Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy, and his parents. 'What am I doing here? And, more importantly, where is Severus?' As always, Hermione was thinking of others. That was one of the only things that did not change after Ron's spell.

Hermione looked around. She noticed a cloaked man in the corner of what appeared to be a dining room, studying her intently. She ignored him completely and looked frantically around for her professor. Hermione finally spotted a small piece of black fabric squeezed between two cushions of a couch. 'Severus' robes!' Hermione thought with relief surging through her. But when she followed the fabric to find its owner, she nearly fainted at what she saw next.

Snape was on the ground, CRYING! At first, Hermione was thoroughly shocked, but then she realized what caused the sudden burst of emotion. The man, no, it was a woman, had cast the Cruciatus Curse that Hermione had heard outside of Dumbledore's office!

Using her amazing powers, she lifted the curse and broke through the young girl's mind. 'That Mary-Sue will be sorry she ever tried to get to my Sevvie-Poo! Let's see her try to pretty her way out of this situation!' Hermione wasn't angry, or sad. She just wondered, 'Why does no one like me?' But, more importantly, 'my Sevvie-Poo'?

"I'm sorry, dear, but he's mine."

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**A/N: I apologize again. This was a short chapter. But the next one is going to be longer, I promise! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

The duel was a fierce one, with two amazingly skilled witches battling. Snape was still on the ground, seemingly unconscious. Hermione and the cloaked girl dueled, until finally Hermione knocked her opponent to the floor.

Putting her wand in her back pocket, Hermione calmly and steadily approached the girl. Once she was close enough, Hermione ripped off the cloak.

The girl was an average one, but something about her was different, in a way. Her hair was brown and a little past her shoulders, and her eyes were a metallic blue. She looked up at Hermione, and got her first good look at the Mary-Sue.

"What are you looking at?" Hermione asked innocently, watching the strange girl study her eyes.

"Your eyes. How did that happen?" The girl attempted to sound curious. She only pretended because she already had a good theory. All Mary-Sues are the same when it comes to this. Preparing for a somewhat tear-jerking story, she stood and listened.

"Well, my parents were very wealthy," Hermione started, a somewhat pained expression on her face. "Both Minister of Magic at one point in their lives. Amazing, they were. But one day, a young girl came, selling Muggle cookies. My parents, very generous to Muggles, accepted and paid. Little did they know, the cookies were filled with poison. They both bit in, and fell over. I tried to save them, but it was too late. They were gone. The next day, I decided to keep it a secret. Live alone. But, Voldemort came and wanted to kill me! I was UNFORTUNATE to have such good looks, because Voldemort said that I was the prettiest young woman he'd ever seen, so he would curse me. Sadly, he cursed my eyes so that whatever color they were most like had to be my mood. If I snap at you for no reason whatsoever, I'm sorry. It's my eyes."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry. That must be hard for you." Little did Hermione know, that brought terrible realization to the teenager.

When she was a young girl, her parents were affiliated with the Dark Lord, and still were. Instead of telling her to pick up her room, like most parents would, she would be told to torture information out of the newly appointed Minister of Magic. Her parents were nice when the Dark Lord wasn't around, but when he was they were horrible to her. The Dark Lord favored her above most Death Eaters, and she had come to like that. The first one to share information at meetings, the only one who got to watch over Nagini, the Dark Lord's snake.

One day, she was told that two retired Ministers of Magic were married and living together. She had to give them poisoned cookies because they knew the whereabouts of the Dark Lord, and they had to kill the couple so that their organization wouldn't be ruined. She hesitantly approached their house, trying to make her best innocent-little-girl face. She knocked on the door, and gave the cookies.

'They had to pay for their death,' she bitterly thought, and finally she was snapped to the present. Snape was standing, and took one look at the girl, and fell back on to the couch.

"Lily?"

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**A/N: Oh! The cliffhanger of doom! Well, it was a longer chapter. Hope you enjoyed!**


	7. Chapter 7

"What?" The girl looked at her hair. It wasn't flame red, just like Harry's mother's, but it was the normal brown. "No, I don't look like Lily, do I, oh, I can't look like Lily!"

The reason the girl was acting up so much was that she saw Snape's memory, along with Harry. In her opinion, Lily was being arrogant. It was a little thing, and Lily should've forgiven Snape. She was his love, and he was forever heartbroken. Well, at least she would never do that to Snape. It was just a little slip-up, and the girl would've forgiven Snape in a heartbeat.

"She's not Lily. She looks normal, with brown hair? Blue eyes?" Hermione's voice was frantic, and she ran over to Snape's aid. "Are you okay?"

Snape's eyes were still fixated on the girl, and Hermione didn't like that one bit. She asked Snape, "What are you looking at?"

"She's Lily... No, she's not Lily, she's not..." Snape sounded strange, like in a trance. 'A trance,' the girl thought. 'Wait! Nadine!' The girl strode over to a chair next to the dining room table and snatched at thin air. She pulled something, and a cloak tumbled down. It was an Invisibility Cloak, and under it was a girl, her wand poised in the air as if casting a spell...

"Nadine! You were scaring us all half to death! I thought that he had lost it!" The girl had been close to tears and Nadine and Snape noticed.

"What are you crying about?" Apparently, Hermione noticed too.

"Nothing. I was just worried. About our professor." The girl wanted to say more, but she was cut off by Snape, who finally said what was on all of their minds.

"What's your name?" Snape, and everyone else, for that matter, wanted to know. "You haven't told us. Well, I guess you never got the chance..." Snape smiled a bit, and the girl looked over to Nadine. Nadine shrugged, and raised her eyebrows, glancing towards Hermione.

"What? I'd never do anything to Professor Snape!" Hermione looked genuine, and the girl believed her.

"Am I going to get an answer or not! Five points from... Next, tell me what your house is!" Snape was getting frustrated.

"Now there's the Snape we all know and love." The girl muttered, annoyed. She was watching Hermione throw her arms around Snape, saying, "Oh, I was so worried, why were you acting like that?"

"I'm fine, seriously Hermione!" and then, what the girl AND Nadine never thought would happen, happened. Snape then planted a kiss on Hermione's cheek.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading so far! Another cliffhanger of doom. :) I like cliffhangers. Well, R and R, please!**


	8. Chapter 8

The girl stared in shock. 'How?! I thought that it was just the spell!' Hermione looked not at all shocked and hugged Snape.

Suddenly, a cry was heard from beyond the manor. Everyone quickly ran to peer out the window. They saw that it was Neville Longbottom, racing up to the Malfoy home at the speed of light. But, being Neville, he tripped every three seconds.

Finally, Neville reached the door and barged in. He had come with a important message. "Hermione," he muttered between pants, "isn't the Mary-Sue!"

Everyone gasped. Hermione skipped around with glee, clapping her hands and hugging Snape. The girl and Nadine sighed. "Fine, I guess we should just head back to Hogwarts."

However, Neville blocked the doorway. "What gives, idiot?" Nadine shouted at him. He jabbed a finger into the girl's abdomen.

"You, Narcissa Bellatrix Riddle, are a MARY-SUE!" Neville roared. The group stared at her in shock.

"Are you sure?" Snape questioned. "I mean, she could be just really pretty." Narcissa blushed in spite of herself.

"I'm sure..." Neville began quietly, "BECAUSE THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX HAS BEEN STALKING YOU FROM AFAR!" Suddenly, the entire Order burst in, with Dumbledore leading them!

"You are a Mary-Sue. Therefore, we must CHASE YOU AWAY so you NEVER come BACK!" Dumbledore screamed, with extra emphasis on a few words. The entire Order flew after Narcissa until she tripped and accidentally fell into a pile of hippogriff manure! The world was now safe from the terrors of that Mary-Sue.

"So, don't be afraid to make an OC look pretty!" Nadine pipes in.

"And don't be afraid to write a self-insert!" Snape adds, smiling. Suddenly, he frowns. "Just don't pair them with me."

"Professor Snape's just kidding," Hermione says, smiling. Snape smiles as well. "You can do whatever you want with your OC!"

Neville looks down at his shoes. "The only thing is other people."

Harry and Ron show up on the scene. "If you're writing this for your own enjoyment, just let them know that you are writing it just for yourself!"

Ron grins. "And if you're writing it for others, try not to make your OC TOO pretty. Also, - " Rin suddenly fell to the floor. The group quickly looked up.

Lord Voldemort stood, twirling the Elder Wand between his fingers. He gripped it firmly and began to lazily cast spells. "Crucio, Stupefy, Impedamenta, Serpensortia - wait, you're Narcissa's friend." Voldemort shooed her away. "Run along, now."

Nadine grinned and skipped back to Hogwarts. The others were left in the manor in their poor state.

Narcissa was then seen flying on a broomstick around Malfoy Manor. "I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS FAIL ENDING!"

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**A/N: I'm sorry for not updating in a while... Stupid Pokemon! DX And in case you're wondering, I did notice the change in tense. I meant for it to sound like a 'what did we learn from this video' kind of thing. So, basically Narcissa said the last part of the A/N.**

**Rose :D**


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